This is inspired by Sandy Ackers over at Strangling My Muse. Sandy set a photo prompt, which you can see here.

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Orange Shutters of Spring

The weather is warming up and I’m starting to feel alive again. It’s been months since I’ve been able to visit my lover’s home and the loneliness has been painful. Not only the longing for his voice but for the strength of his arms wrapped around my body. Oh how I have longed to have my bed warmed by his company. But alas, I have slept alone all winter waiting for the snow to melt and free his mountain home from its icy grip.

I have been walking for hours, having left my horse in the barn of a friend lower on the snow-covered slopes. The trail from here is icy and treacherous. No hoofed beast would safely make this journey and I would not wish to harm my steed in the interest of the lust that fills me.

All around me is white but the worst of the snow has melted. The blizzards that gripped the mountain these past months have blown away and the sun is shining above me. With my telescope I can just make out the orange shutters on my lover’s bedroom window. Far away up the mountain, still some hours trudge he awaits me.

I know he will light the fire to keep our naked bodies warm in the darkness of the night and that he will have a simple hot meal of stew on the stove with bowls and spoons ready should we need it. For tonight there will be no time for cooking or sitting down to a meal. We have been apart these months with nothing but our memories to keep us warm. Tonight I can wait no longer and I must trudge through the snow to meet my man.

The hours have passed quickly. Not once did I stop for rest nor food. No, I have walked this march through the snow at a steady pace; never wavering in my course. And now I am below them: the orange shutters that signify the start of spring. I see he has wiped them clean to shine as a beacon for me this cold white day. And now I am here, at the base of the steps to his door.

I run. No longer caring for my safety because I need his arms around me. I need his lips on mine and his breath on my skin. I call out to my lover. He doesn’t come to the window. Instead, he throws open the door and I see him standing in all his glory. It seems I am not the only one who has felt the long frozen months of winter. I take the final steps at a gallop and throw myself into my lover’s arms. Before I know it we are embraced and warm; safely away from the winter’s hold.

We’re going to be walking for many hours during the dark of night when we walk the Oxfam Trailwalker, so I’ve been getting out to do night training. One night this week I walked 10km through the suburbs near my work. I walked a route with long steep hills.

On Friday night and tonight (Sunday), I walked through the bush near home for night training. On Friday I completed 15km in the dark and tonight 7.5km. On Friday, I borrowed a torch from my sister on the second 7.5km walk (I had walked to her place and the second 7.5km was my walk home). I had walked to her place in the dark and enjoyed it very much. I borrowed the torch because it was late at night and I was tired. However, I didn’t use it except to cross one creek and to take the photo above. Tonight I didn’t bother bringing a torch. I just walked home in the dark, letting my eyes get used to the darkness.

Today I walked a total of 20km training as two 7.5km walks (one this morning and one tonight) and a 5km walk around Coochimudlo Island. Coochie is a short 10 minute ferry ride from a jetty just 5 minutes drive from our home. It was perfect autumn day: not too hot and not cold enough to need long pants.

I visited the island with a friend. While I waited for the ferry I enjoyed some time swinging my legs over the edge of the jetty. Sitting like this always makes me feel like a big kid on summer holidays. There’s a freedom to dangling my feet in the air, looking down at the clear green water, and out over Moreton Bay to the islands and yachts out in the distance.

My friend and I walked the 5km circuit of Coochimudlo Island. This island is one of the special gems that make me love where we live. As we walked around the island we splashed our feet in the warm sea water and looked at the pretty shells that were washed up on the beach.

We were blessed to see a pod of dolphins swimming close to shore. There’s just something majestic about seeing sea animals swimming. Perhaps it’s because they live in an underwater world that most of us will never really know. Or perhaps the magic of dolphins relates to their grace and intelligence. Whatever it was, the dolphins had my full attention until they disappeared into the distance.

Today was just a magical day … the bushwalk in the morning, the walk around the island and my night time walk through the bush tonight without the aid of a torch.

***

Oxfam Trailwalker is 100km walk for teams of 4 walkers who each complete the entire 100km (62.5miles) within 48 hours. It is not a relay. An Oxfam Trailwalker is being held in Brisbane this year. Our team will be departing the start line at 10am on Friday 17 June. We aim to complete the walk within 36 hours (i.e. 10pm Saturday 18 June).

We are seeking sponsorship and donations to help us raise funds for Oxfam. All donations made by Australian tax payers are tax deductible. For all other nationals – check your local tax rules because Oxfam is an international charity.

To sponsor my team, please click here. We are The Plovers – Take 2. It’s our second Oxfam Trailwalker – we completed the Oxfam Trailwalker, Sydney in 2004 in 36 hours 29 minutes.

Profile of the trail - check out the serious hills (from Oxfam Trailwalker website)

What else needs to be organised?

• Tickets to Disney World – check
• Booking to play astronaut for a day – check
• Segway tour booking – check
• Alligator jet boat ride booking – check

What do I still need to do?

• Exchange some currency while we’re able to buy $1.10 for every $1
• Decide how little I can get away with taking
• Decide whether to bring the 55L or 75L backpack because I know I’m going to be buying clothes while I’m there

Have you guessed it yet? Well, of course I’m going away somewhere overseas. But surely you’ve also guessed where.

In less than 2 weeks, I’ll be sitting on a big jet flying over the vast expanse of the Pacific Ocean on my way to the US. Not only will I be flying all the way across the Pacific, I’ll then be stepping on another plane to fly all the way across to Orlando, Florida. A place about which I know nothing but what I’ve seen on television sitcoms.

And that’s not much, I can tell you. Televisions sitcoms have taught me that Americans retire to condos in Florida and that college students go there for Spring Break. And those two things raise more questions than they answer: What exactly is a condo? And what exactly is the difference between college and university?

Let’s face it, neither of those issues are relevant to my trip to Florida but still … the trip has made me ponder these questions. I’m going to Florida with a colleague to attend a conference where we will be learning all sorts of fascinating things about our industry.

And, while we’re there, we decided to take some holidays to do all the things one apparently does when playing tourist in Florida with a favourable exchange rate. Oh yes, I know Americans are most upset that travel to Australia is expensive for you at the moment because you are used to having the stronger currency. But for once, we Australians can buy $US1.10 instead of the traditional 65 – 75 cents. And this means that all the attractions are suddenly reasonably priced instead of hideously expensive.

I’ll be in Orlando for 10 days. Of that, I’ll be at a conference for 4 days. That leaves me with 6 days to play. And play I will. My colleague and I will be:

• getting wet on the waterslides at Blizzard Beach water park
• playing like big kids at Disney World’s Magic Kingdom
• riding the roller coasters at Universal Studios
• experiencing zero gravity at the Astronaut Training Experience at Kennedy Space Centre
• hoping not to fall into the water on a alligator jet boat cruise
• zooming along International Drive on a Segway tour.

My poor wife has to stay home and she’s very jealous. She also likes roller coasters, space adventures, alligator tours and the idea of a Segway tour. She just has to enjoy the experience through her laptop by reading my blog posts and checking out the photos.

I’m quite excited really. It’s going to be a fabulous mix of education and entertainment. It’s not my usual holiday experience: I usually do the nature thing. But for once it’s going to be great fun to just hang out and be a big kid for a few weeks.

And did I mention that clothes are so much cheaper in the US than here in Australia? And that I’ve heard that there are awesome outlet stores in Orlando, which means they will be even cheaper than their already cheap prices? Hence my need to decide whether to bring the 55L or 75L backpack

Sure, my exterior physical being is masculine. I can grow a beard, I have body hair and I have a flat chest. But I’m not ever going to kid myself that I’m male. I’m transgendered. That’s how I identify because I am a man who transitioned from a girl and young woman to my manhood. Yet, every time I complete a form I’m required to choose one or the other.

This might seem like a small issue but it’s not. For example, when completing a medical form an accurate reflection of my gender identify is relevant because the medication I take and surgery I have undergone might impact future treatment. Or when joining a sporting club the fact that I’m transgendered and take testosterone might affect my eligibility for awards due to drug doping rules.

In my opinion, the biggest impact of this issue is invisibility. By only providing an option for respondents to select ‘male’ or ‘female’ society sends a message that any other gender identity is either invalid or nonexistent. And this message of invisibility is particularly damaging to young people questioning their gender. Many of these young people already feel isolated and confused. By failing to provide them with the simplest of options, to opt out of the binary gender construct, we fail to provide them with the space they need to discover who they are.

Not only that, but it prevents the accurate collection of any data about gender identity. If more forms allowed people to select an other option (e.g. ‘other’), we would be able to get a more accurate social record of how many people really do feel they belong outside the socially constructed binary gender system. And this might help bring us out of the shadows and into the mainstream. It might give us the option of being third-gendered in whatever way we feel third-gendered.

Sure, some people would wonder why the ‘other’ option is available. Most of these people who don’t know why ‘other’ is an option would just move right along. They would think nothing more of it after they handed the form in. However, people who are forced to select an inaccurate gender option will be thinking about it long after the form is handed in.

I know my post won’t change much. I know I will probably have to continue crossing out the male and female options, and drawing a separate box into forms for many years to come. But I can live in hope that one day transgendered and other third-gendered people will once more be visible, counted and validated. A day when young gender-questioning young people no longer are made to feel isolated by society or forced into an identity that is not right for them.

We had a public holiday here on Monday so I decided to use the day to combine both training with my favourite relaxation: the movies. The cinema is about 10km (6.5 miles) from our home. Instead of riding my motorbike there, I walked. I started by walking through our neighbourhood, enjoying the views out over the wetland.

From our neighbourhood, I walked down the main road to the gravel shortcut. Here, there are a number of beautiful bushland properties. This gorgeous gum forest sprawls over the crest of a hill. I always expect to see pixies or faeries when I walk, ride or drive past it.

More than anything, I enjoyed walking along the boundary of this grazing property. This scenery and the nearby views of the mountain made me fall in love with the area we live in. The colours of the grass, the tree trunks, the cattle and the big blue sky make me feel like I haven’t got a care in the world.

And the reflections of the sky and trees on the surface of the dam made me feel so small in the vast expanse of nature.

By the time I reached the cinemas, and bought myself a banana and bread roll for lunch, I had walked about 11km (7 miles). The movie (Something Borrowed) was an easy-to-watch romantic comedy with a serious message about friendship buried in it. I enjoyed the few hours relaxation before walking back home. I stopped in a park near our home to practice my tai chi before heading home for dinner. I walked 23km (14 miles) in total. And I felt good at the end.

Yesterday morning I spent 45 minutes working out on the WiiFit because the rain was bucketing down outside and I felt I needed to do some strength training. Had someone told me a few years ago that I would find a computer game good training, I would have laughed. It is excellent training though and competing against my previous scores helps motivate me.

This morning I walked to my sister’s house before work. The walk is 7.5km (4.5 miles). It’s not the big mileage I walked at the weekend but there’s only so much a man can do before work.

My sister lives on the other side of bushland from my home. Mornings in the bush are stunning. The world started awakening as I walked. I saw the early morning fog lift from the gullies, the dew sitting on the leaves and the birds starting to sing.

Then things got adventurous. I spent the first three-quarters of the walk being careful not to get my feet too wet. I long jumped across the narrow creeks, skirted around the mud patches, and balanced on small logs and the base of tree trunks in the bigger creeks. Then, it all went to waste. After crossing a flowing creek I started to walk up a hill. I thought I was going to stand on some hard sand when, without warning, I sank shin-deep into thick grey mud.

I put both feet into the mud at pretty much the same time. And both feet sank. There was nothing I could do but wriggle my feet out of the mud.

There was nothing for it but to walk back down to the creek and wash the mud off my feet and legs because I would rather walk with wet feet than with the weight and discomfort of mud. Perhaps I took this photo just to prove that there were shoes under the mud.

The end of the walk was lovely. I walked past paddocks of horses enjoying some early morning grazing. Unfortunately, none were standing near any fences waiting for random passers-by to pat them. But they were lovely to watch.

I’m pretty blessed to be able to walk through this beautiful scenery around my home. Both walks travel a similar distance in opposite directions of our home, which makes me realise just how fortunate we are.

Tonight I took my first Hapkido class and it was excellent training. I think I’ll be going twice a week for a little while. I’ll be heading out again tomorrow to do more walking training. Hopefully it’s as wonderful as the other training sessions have been.

I’ll keep sharing my training with you.

If you want to sponsor our team, please click here and click the bright orange ‘donate to our team’ link. By sponsoring our team, you will be helping Oxfam do work to fight poverty. I should note that I hate asking for sponsorship. It makes me uncomfortable. But if I’m going to get out there and do the Oxfam Trailwalker, I also need to do what (for me) is the hard part: trying to raise funds.

That’s the question my friend asked me by text message today. My friend lives in the Apple Isle; the landmass that separates Australia from Antarctica. We were fortunate in 2010 because we saw each other three times in the one year. That’s not bad given the thousands of kilometres and vast stretch of Bass Strait that separate our homes. We only met in 2009 and I didn’t anticipate so many meetings in one year.

This year, we are only likely to see each other once – this coming weekend. I will be fortunate indeed if I make it to the freezing climes of Tasmania before the year ends. So I will cherish our time together this coming weekend.

In the months between meetings we will have email, Facebook and text messaging. Instantaneous forms of communication that allow us to share the little impulsive things that make up life; the small gaps between big stories that are living. The impulsive photo messages showing a beautiful sunset or text messages that say little more than ‘I just discovered a new song. Google it’.

Letters, phone calls and long emails are all great. But usually they contain the big stories. The holidays, the celebratory days and the events that make up our public lives. But with text messages, Facebook and short emails we can share the things that are our lives; the small insignificant details that give colour to the ‘boring’ moments between the big stories. And it is the intimacy of knowing these things that form close friendships. It’s what lets you know that your friend likes a particular musician, that they are angered by a certain news article or that they are inspired by a particular movie.

Sure, a text message or status update might only be 400 characters and I agree that you can’t get to know someone through these alone. But when combined with once, twice or (if blessed) three times a year face-to-face conversations, they allow us to get to know our friends in the between times.

And I am not only talking about my friend from the island of the southern coast of Australia here. I value text messages and Facebook as a means of keeping in touch with all my close friends. Perhaps that’s because most of my close friends either live far away or lead busy lives (I am lucky if I see my friends more than once or twice a year). And it’s not about the quantity of text messages or status updates – it’s about paying attention to what is being shared and knowing that you too have someone to share with. Someone who will respond to the picture message, send an ‘LOL’ or to the text message, acknowledge your status or share their view on a link you share.

But surely we can get all these things in a good old-fashioned face-to-face friendship. Well, in an ideal world we would all live close to our friends. We would all be able to find like-minded people living in our neighbourhood, or at the very least our city. We would have hours every week that we are not working to share time with family and friends, still have time for ourselves, and be able to get our daily chores done.

But we all know that in today’s society that’s not the case. And even if it is, should you then limit your lifestyle to those common around you? Or should you not make close friendships with new people you meet when traveling or through the internet? Of course not.

Friendship is one of the glorious experiences of being human. And loneliness caused by not connecting with people is one of the most dehumanising experiences. Not only should geography not limit us but so too should time not limit our friendships. I have a friend who is a full-time student. Between my work schedule and his study regime we can only really meet up in person half a dozen times a year. In between, I send him messages if I see or think of something that might be of interest to him; and he does the same. That way there’s a continuity in the friendship in the months between meeting up. It means we don’t need to spend the first half hour reacquainting – we can get straight into hanging out.

I don’t know where I’d be without my mobile phone. I don’t even have a landline phone at home because I prefer my mobile. And my phone bill comprises largely of text messages. Not because I don’t want to connect with my friends, but because I want to connect in a way that is less intrusive than a phone call when they are in the middle of dinner or out to a movie.

Where would I be without my mobile phone? I’d be lonely. I’d be lost. I’d miss out on a lot of learning experiences. I’d miss out on a lot of fun. And I’d miss not being able to share small, seemingly insignificant experiences with people I care about.

The Buddha Birthday celebrations were spread over three days, since Friday. I didn’t want to go yesterday on Samhain Eve because I wanted that day to be about nature and home. However, today, the first day of the seasonal new year, I wanted to embrace the way my spirituality is part of my every day life; not separate from it. And how better to do that than to participate in a celebration of religion, philosophy and culture in the city I love.

Before the celebration started, I did a training walk for the Trailwalker. I walked 5km (3.5 miles). I enjoyed the walk very much because I do love the city I call home.

It wouldn’t be a Chinese festival without fire crackers and a lion dance. There’s something fabulous about the bright colours of the lion costumes and the athleticism of the dancers. It’s transfixing.

The ceremonial drums commanded attention. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to them calling the approach of the baby Buddha.

And no Chinese festival would be complete without a tai chi and qi gong demonstration. I have been practicing tai chi and qi gong for many years. I had a brief rest from the practice over the past two years but got back into it over the past month. As with all tai chi and qi gong demonstrations that I’ve seen, spectators are encouraged to join in. So I did. And I was blessed by having  a tai chi teacher giving me tips to help me improve my technique. It’s amazing how quickly it has been coming back to me. And it was fabulous to join others in the practice of something that I have come to realise is so important to me.

During the day, I walked more than 15km (10 miles). So I’m ticking up some real training kilometres for the Trailwalker.

Venman National Park is less than 10km from our home. The park contains a 7.5km walking loop that crosses through forest typical of our local area: she-oaks, paperbarks, iron barks, Moreton bay ash and scribbly bark. While Venman National Park only has two short marked walking trails (the 7.5km trail and a 2.5km trail), the National Park borders on two State Forest parks that contain a wide range of trails; some signed and some not. You can feasibly complete a number of 15 – 25km hikes along these trails.

It has rained so much here these past few months that every low point of the track was covered in water and mud. At first I tried to edge around it to keep my feet dry. However, after the third mud patch I just gave in and decided to splash right through.

I love walking along trails in open bushland like this. I love it when trails wind between trees because the trees look like they are forming a guard of honour. I love the way the trees here in our area are so colourful, especially the red barked gums.

All the creeks along the trail were flooded. But fortunately some wise person had placed rocks along the lower side of the trail at all the creek crossings so, while my feet were muddy, I didn’t have to get them saturated.

I don’t know why, but I am always drawn to mossy logs and stumps. I don’t know whether it’s the colour or the softness.

This is a close-up of some moss on the tree. Perhaps the reason I like moss is shown in this photo. It looks all green and homogenous from afar. But if you stop and really look at it, you will find that it has a broad colour scheme embedded in it. And it has a range of textures too: both hard and soft.

Then at the other end of the spectrum from the moss, there’s the trees in the canopy. These iron barks have strong black trunks and branches topped with bright green leaves. You can only see those leaves if you look a long way up. And then you will be gifted with a view of them against a background of brilliant blue.

There used to be a quarry here before the area was turned into a National Park. Mt Cotton is a major quarrying area, with at least two massive quarries still in operation (you can see them when you fly into Brisbane from the south east). The old quarry has become a beautiful lake. I stopped here to practice my tai chi.

Not only did I get to enjoy the scenery, but I also enjoyed the company of the local wildlife. This kookaburra watched me as I ate my lunch in the Daisy Hill Forest day use area. No doubt he was more interested in the possibility of a free lunch than in me but I enjoyed his company and he didn’t complain when I failed to feed him. A crow made her presence known too; calling out the entire time I sat there. During the day I also saw wallabies, spiders, butterflies, dragonflies and a massive creepy insect that I couldn’t identify.

The walk was fabulous and really good training for the Trailwalker. Not only that, but it was a good day to reconnect with my muse (or to find a new one).

***

Dear all my lovely family, friends and acquaintances,

I am up to mischief again. The Oxfam Trailwalker is only 48 days away and the time has come to get serious about it. And that means plucking up the courage to ask for donations to help improve the lives of people who are needy. Without further ado …

The challenge

At 10am on Friday 17 June 2011, we will be setting off on a 100km walk along with The Plovers – Take 2 Oxfam Trailwalker team. The team comprises me, Gerard, Jeannette and Warren. Our challenge is to walk from a 100km trail from Mt Glorious to Mt Cootha within 48 hours. This is not a relay event. We will all be walking the entire 100km together. Our goal is to complete the walk within 36 hours (so by 10pm on Saturday 18 June). The trail is rugged and rough, with heaps of long steep hills. This is not a road walk – it’s a full-on bushwalk through the Brisbane Forest and D’Aigular National Parks and then into Mt Cootha. We will be walking in both daylight and darkness on our adventure.

The walk is in support of Oxfam. In order to start the walk, we must raise at least $1,000 in donations. These donations will go directly to Oxfam, not to the organisation of the walk. Our team has already paid a separate entry fee that goes to paying for the actual walk.

How you can support our challenge

You too can be involved in the challenge. All you need to do is click on this link, open your purse or wallet, take out your credit card and donate some money. All donations over $AU2 are tax deductable (in Australia – check your local regulations if you are overseas).

Now, don’t think you need to donate great wads of cash to make a difference to the world (though great wads of cash are greatly appreciated). Did you know that:

• $20 can buy a blackboard to improve education for children in Cambodia or vegetable seeds to allow a family to create a vegetable garden in Timor-Leste
• $50 can buy seeds to allow a family in Malawi to grow drought resistant crops or buy enough vegetable seeds to create a communal garden in Sri Lanka
• $70 can provide a traditional birthing assistant with a kit to help deliver babies safely in Cambodia
• $100 can provide a village in Laos with enough medicine to treat common illnesses and prevent disease
• $500 can provide a village of up to 200 families in southern Africa with a watering system for clean drinking water.

And no one individual has to donate the whole lot … every small and middle-sized donation will add up to create genuine change in the world. And you don’t even have to walk 100km. You just have to open your wallet to make a donation that you think is appropriate for your means and for how much you like / dislike me and the rest of The Plovers – Take 2.

Where do you donate

Now that you are keen to donate, I’m going to make it easy for you. Click on this link, which will take you to our team’s Oxfam Trailwalker page. Then click the big orange ‘Donate to our team’ button.

But I want to do more than just open my wallet

Awesome!!!! This is fantastic news. You are most welcome to organise a fundraiser on our behalf. You might want to hold a BBQ or a morning tea or a bake sale. Maybe you want to hit up all your friends and then make a donation as a group. Contact me if you need material from Oxfam because I can get them. Then click on the same link and make the donation.

Putting my money where my mouth is

When you log onto our team website you will see that I’ve already opened my wallet to kick start the fundraising. I’ve donated $250 to the team in the hope it inspires others to see that I believe in this enough to put both my body and my bank balance on the line.

My training regime

I’ve started training for the walk. It’s taken me a while but the weather has finally started to cool down and my energy levels are increasing after the long hot wet summer. My training regime for the next 48 days:

• 30 – 60 minute walk twice a day (before and after work)
• 24 move tai chi routine daily
• 18 move shibashi qi gong routine daily
• A weekly 18 – 24km bushwalk
• I’m joining a local hapkido club for twice weekly training starting Wednesday 4 May

The tai chi, qi gong and hapkido should help with both physical and mental strength to complete the walk. The walking is self-explanatory.

And the final word

Here’s the link again, just for good measure.

Our team name is The Plovers – Take 2. We are Andrew, Gerard, Jeannette and Warren.

We hope that our walk will inspire you.

I thank you in advance for any donations you are able to make.

From the real Herby …

Life and love are pretty good at the moment. I am finding poetry in the world around me. The rhythms of my life make sense.

Sometimes I go somewhere and think ‘I should write about this’. Then I get home and share the stories and photos with my someone special, and I no longer want to write them down.

The things that brought me to write this blog are but a memory of another time and place. And I know it’s a good thing. I know it’s a sign of significant growth. I know that I’ve learned some really big lessons. Lessons I don’t care to share; lessons that are best left unsaid.

Life is changing pace for me. It’s becoming quieter. I am finally able to relax. I can let go of the guilt and move on.